The Secret to Helping Your Child Channel Their Anxiety Into Peak Performance

Every parent has been there: watching their child pace nervously before a big game, seeing the worry on their face, and feeling helpless to fix it. As both a sports psychologist and a parent, I've spent years studying how to transform that pre-game anxiety from a burden into a superpower.

The truth? Those butterflies in your child's stomach aren't the enemy—they're jet fuel for peak performance. But only if you know how to use them.

Anxiety before a big competition isn't a problem—it's a tool.

Most parents see their child’s pre-game nerves as something to fix. They try to calm them down, reassure them, or even tell them to “just relax.” But what if anxiety wasn’t something to eliminate?

What if it was the key to performing at their best?

When kids learn to work with their anxiety instead of against it, they gain a powerful mental edge. Parents can play a huge role in making this happen.

By the time you finish reading this piece, you’ll know why pre-competition anxiety happens, how to shift your child’s mindset, and three strategies to turn nerves into confidence.

I’ve worked with top athletes, coaches, and parents, and I’ve seen firsthand how small mindset shifts can change everything.

Let’s dive in.

Reframe Anxiety as Excitement

Many kids (and parents) see anxiety as a red flag—a sign something is wrong. But science tells us something fascinating: our bodies can't actually tell the difference between anxiety and excitement.

Harvard researcher Alison Wood Brooks conducted groundbreaking studies on what she calls "anxiety reappraisal." Her research showed that simply telling yourself "I am excited" instead of "I am nervous" led to significantly better performance on everything from public speaking to math tests.

Why?

Because both anxiety and excitement are high-arousal states that prepare our bodies for action.

The science is clear: When we try to calm down from anxiety, we're fighting our body's natural response. It's like trying to slam on the brakes when we're already revved up.

Instead, Brooks found that it's much easier to "pivot" from anxiety to excitement—keeping that energy but changing its meaning.

This isn't just psychology—it's biology. When we're anxious, our bodies release adrenaline and cortisol, increasing our heart rate and sharpening our focus. These exact same chemicals can either help us perform brilliantly or make us freeze up.

The only difference?

How we interpret them.

Here’s how to help your child reframe their nerves:

• Label it differently: Instead of “I’m nervous,” teach them to say, “I’m excited to compete.”

• Remind them it’s a sign they care: Anxiety shows that the event matters—and that’s a good thing.

• Point out their best performances: Ask, “Remember the last time you felt this way? How did it turn out?”

This small shift changes everything. When kids see anxiety as fuel, not fear, they stop fighting it and start using it.

Shalane Flanagan, Olympic medalist and champion marathoner, uses this exact approach. 'I get really excited, and people often mistake that for nerves,' she says. 'But I'm genuinely excited. I've learned to embrace those feelings.' This mindset helped her become one of America's most successful distance runners.

Your child can do the same. The key? Teach them that nerves mean they’re ready.

Next, let’s talk about what to do when anxiety feels overwhelming.

Teach Them Simple Self-Regulation Skills

When anxiety hits hard, telling someone to "calm down" usually backfires.

Remember the last time you were in a fight with your spouse and you told them to calm down?

How did that turn out?

Telling a nervous kid to “calm down” never works.

Why? Because anxiety is physiological, not just mental. It’s the body getting ready for action. To manage it, kids need physical tools, not just pep talks.

Three easy techniques that work:

• Box Breathing: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4. Repeat.

• Power Posing: Stand tall, shoulders back—this instantly boosts confidence.

• Grounding Techniques: Have them name 5 things they see, 4 they touch, 3 they hear, 2 they smell, and 1 they taste.

These skills give kids control over their nerves instead of feeling overwhelmed by them.

NBA players use box breathing before free throws. Special forces soldiers use it in combat. It’s powerful. And the best part? It only takes a few seconds to work.

When kids know how to regulate their body, they stop feeling like anxiety is something that happens to them—and start realizing it’s something they can manage.

Now, let’s make sure they keep the big picture in mind.

3. Put Performance Into Perspective

Every parent has seen that heartbreaking moment: their child walks off the field after a loss, head down, fighting back tears. Not because the game mattered so much, but because they feel like they've failed as a person.

The toughest challenge many young athletes face isn't the competition itself—it's the crushing weight of believing their value as a human being depends on how well they perform. I've seen talented kids quit sports they love because this pressure becomes unbearable.

This mindset trap is especially dangerous because it creates a vicious cycle: The more kids tie their self-worth to performance, the more anxious they become. The more anxious they become, the worse they tend to perform. And the worse they perform, the more it hurts their self-image.

When kids believe that winning = being valuable, every competition feels like life or death. That pressure makes anxiety worse.

Breaking this cycle is crucial. Here's why—and how to help your child develop a healthier perspective...

How to help them keep perspective:

• Emphasize growth over outcomes: “What’s one thing you learned today?”

• Normalize mistakes: Talk about elite athletes who failed but bounced back. Better yet, talk about your own failures and how you bounced back!

• Remind them of who they are outside of sports: They are not just an athlete. When in doubt, simply ask them questions about life away from the game.

When Simone Biles stepped back from competition during the 2020 Olympics, she showed athletes everywhere that their worth isn't defined by their performance. 'We have to focus on ourselves,' she said, 'because at the end of the day, we're human, too.' This perspective helps athletes develop resilience instead of fear of failure.

When kids understand that one game doesn’t define them, they play with more freedom. Less pressure = more flow.

The Final Takeaway

Anxiety before competition isn’t a problem—it’s a signal that your child cares.

Your job isn’t to take it away. It’s to help them channel it into confidence.

• Reframe it as excitement.

• Teach them simple regulation skills.

• Help them keep the big picture in mind.

When kids master these skills, they compete with confidence, handle pressure like a pro, and develop lifelong mental resilience.

What’s Next?

Try one of these strategies before your child’s next big competition. See what sticks. Over time, they’ll develop the ability to turn nerves into an edge—without needing you to step in.

That’s how you raise a mentally strong competitor.

When you’re ready, there are 2 ways we can help you:

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